My Matrix

Well...
I am unsure how to start this new blogging stuff...guess I will just reflect a little and see how it goes.

Have you ever been stuck in a matrix? I have! To me it was like being in a padded, suspended time warp during the early part of my adult life. A time that lasted over 12 years. That shouldn’t happen to anyone...and shouldn’t have happened to me. But it did.
I was 23 , a new single mom...no friends...no job...and not much family to speak of. I had to make money and take care of my son... I couldn’t afford to live on my own so me and my child stayed with my parents...
I went back to school and learned a vocation. Then...
tried for years and years to make a difference...be somebody and amount to something for my son's sake...the matrix I was in got thicker and harder to escape from...I couldn’t do enough for anyone. My parents, my employer, so-called friends, relatives.... it was like total non-acceptance...I felt laughed at and demeaned.

(Like a RedHeaded Step Child.)

I had a vision of the way I wanted my life and it wasn’t happening.
Feeling like every move I made, no matter how positive, only enabled those around me to throw dirt on my emotions and aspirations, and even me. They would throw dirt on me! Spreading slanderous rumors making ugly innuendo...
I would try and try to ignore and endure.

Oh! Gaud; How did I get there?

So much time had gone by in this continuum...my ideas were lost. Buried in the gook and gum of this matrix intra-cellular structure...

I got really mad one day and more or less threw my hands up in despair--then...feeling terribly, terribly angry...I suddenly broke free from the matrix by deciding right then and there...that I was going to make a move. A move that would change my life, and those that went with me, for the better.

The anger did it...I was fed up...I had gotten to the point where I hated everyone around me...I had to get out or die trying...

It took a lot out of me. It was a draining, yet somehow refreshing, experience...In a way I was reborn...a new beginning... a time to be me and a very liberating change...

I had escaped...
It was my Independance Day...

"Freedom of expression is the matrix, the indispensable condition, of nearly every form of freedom" (Benjamin N. Cardozo).