Going My Way?

I was once married to a loud mouth, overbearing, free spending and pushy... big bully type of a guy.
He talked too loud, too much, too often and to the wrong people.
He talked nice to just about everyone but me.
He drank too much and had a questionable reputation (if you know what I mean).
I fell for his lying sack of bull #$%$#@#…when we met, and (I know) I shouldn’t have married him.
He cursed me from the first day of marriage…and, he flirted with every skirt around.
His own daughter was accusing him of molestation and so was her sister…even his sister approached me with some awful story about him accosting her.
He would get angry at the littlest things, throw food at me, break stuff, pin me against the wall, choke, bite, lie to and about me... and some say he was trying to poison my son and me.

He has a way of luring people,confusing issues and twisting words. Giving just a little to try and get a lot. Always out for pleasure and gain. A Con-Man…to put it mildly.

Being associated with such a man set me up for a huge personal decline... it stifled my family life, health, job/employment opportunities, community status, and my financial development.

If you ever run into this character_don't believe or trust him.
Run the other way.

Happiness

They say we make our own happiness.

As far back as I can remember. There have been people ready and willing to take happiness away from me. Most of my little successes have been stolen away.

I will start with a 5th grade experience. A classmate and I worked on a project for the science fair; we had split up the duties and had our family's helping us. A cousin of mine even chipped in some time. When it came down to judging day, my class mate and her family decided that I hadn't contributed enough to the project, went to the school and told them they didn't feel I deserved to be considered, and the award should not include me.
I did not know about this until the awards were passed out, and I was turned away on stage during the announcement. My heart was broken into... and I mean into (violated, invaded, degraded).


Again--Years later... at the end of my junior year, I was preparing to try out for the varsity cheerleading squad. This same family did me wrong again. They called my school and mentioned my name as being one that should not make it for the squad. Because, they felt it was time for their daughter to be a cheerleader, and since in previous years...I had already had my chance it should be given to her. This was devastating. Plus, I was turned away from every school activity for my up coming senior year.

My past is filled with experiences such as this. Time and time again people have run over me, and there was no way for me to stop them. Family, friends, husband, law enforcement, and job... you name it.


I am at a crossroad again. Being involved with a man who owes, and still has large financial obligations to an ex wife, can be very stressful to say the least. But, on top of all this, his ex wife ads insult to injury. By dragging my name, and my sons into court as if we are the reason she isn't getting her money. She calls and nags at my fiancée, as if they are still married. She has even come up with excuses to call... For instance, when she has mailed a bundle of junk mail. Why?
She is interfering in my life, family, future and general well-being.

This is all getting to be way too much.

I wanted to make my own happiness!

Presence

I am nearly 50 (so they say).
I don't take a stand on any kind of issues... I don't interfere in other peoples lives, interrupt in conversations, try to make my presence known in a forum or even have a sense of style.
I never learned how!
It's a shame, too! I wanted and needed a role model when I was growing up... no one seemed to want the job though.

I think we would all like to do the right thing... I know I would. To be there for others... choose to count someone in and be able to count on someone.

My son is now 24... I 've always wanted him to have a good start in life... to have a sense of who he is... confidence and character... with a spark of self awareness... the kind needed to make a presence... so other people won't and don't blame or try to shame him for their inadequacies... just enough spark to ward off life's "little" bullies.
No one can do anything about the big bullys.

I can only hope that I have done right by my son, If I haven't... it isn't for the lack of not wanting to.